Grieving.
What does it mean to grieve?
For some reason the sun still rises,
Rain still drops from the sky because…
because…
There is no such thing as “because”
“Because” don’t live here no more
And I’m quite sure that they never did.
It’s impossible for me to perceive colors
as they once were
or anything for that matter.
And yet…the sky is bluer than its ever been.
Don’t taunt me with your serenity.
You shouldn’t be able to smile brightly
Because she’s gone.
Because…?
Rhyme and reason don’t live here.
To grapple with because
is to become aware of just how unaware i am
of this coolness on my cheek.
What is that?
Reason pinching my mind?
What is reason if i cannot process thought?
Because doesn’t exist when the sun rises
and falls
in the same breath.
Reason gives me permission to forget
that I am holding the weight of the world on
my heart.
Closed fist, refusing to let go (A mustard seed).
They lied.
It’s impossible to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders,
shoulders can only brace for impact
but what about my heart?
are “buts” granted where reason no longer resides?
she gets heavier as my shoulders crack under the pressure
no one told me grief acts as a rock
and i am Sisyphus trudging to the Hill.
Why are you so blue?
Why are we so blue?
Your blue brings the promise of joy,
peace
My blue is nothing less than the sunlight that refuses to reach the depths of my ocean.
It’s crushing me.
Without reason, it crushes me.
To understand is a privilege.
All i have been given is death.
